Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth is a crucial skill in today’s world, especially when navigating conflict. We see countless examples of disagreements escalating, highlighting a need for constructive approaches. Robert Bordone and Joel Salinas offer valuable insights in their book, Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In. Bordone, a Senior Fellow at Harvard Law School, and Salinas, a behavioral neurologist at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, provide a practical guide for fostering honest and productive dialogue amidst opposing viewpoints. Understanding why conflict often feels negative is the first step in Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth.
Why Conflict Often Feels Negative and How to Reframe It For Growth
“Conflict feels risky because our brains are naturally programmed and wired to treat it as a potential threat, triggering fight, flight, or freeze reflexive responses,” Salinas explains. “This instinct makes people avoid conflict (or charge through it like a battering ram) to preserve relationships, status, or peace of mind. But these approaches don’t eliminate conflict—they just bury it until it resurfaces, often in worse ways. The key is to reframe conflict as a tool for stronger relationships and smarter solutions. Leaders, teams, and even families can create deeper trust and produce greater innovation by engaging conflict purposefully.” This reframing is essential for Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth.
Conflict Resilience vs. Conflict Resolution: A Foundation for Growth
Bordone clarifies the distinction between conflict resilience and conflict resolution. “Conflict resilience is the capacity to stay engaged in a disagreement, even when it’s uncomfortable,” he states. “Conflict resolution aims to solve a dispute, but conflict resilience is about entering into a conflict and finding a way to disagree with authenticity, to listen with generosity, and to hold the discomfort. Conflict resilience is prerequisite to resolution, negotiation, or problem-solving. If we are unable to enter into the conflict, there isn’t a way to solve it that will be durable. We remain stuck with either avoidance or fighting. That’s why the best leaders and negotiators are always conflict resilient.” Building this resilience is key to Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth.
Disagreeing Better: A Path to Collaborative Growth
The authors emphasize that learning to “disagree better” doesn’t always lead to agreement, but it does pave the way for Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. Salinas elaborates, “Disagreeing better means engaging in conflict constructively, even if no consensus is reached. Think about two business partners debating strategy. If they listen, challenge assumptions, and respect each other, they build trust and make stronger decisions, even if they don’t fully agree. The goal isn’t always to ‘win’ but to understand, collaborate, and move forward in a way that benefits everyone more than if they hadn’t productively engaged in the conflict at all.”
Shifting Mindsets: From Winning/Losing to Learning and Growth
How can individuals cultivate the mindset that conflict isn’t about victory or defeat, but rather a potential avenue for learning and Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth? Bordone advises, “The key is to pause. Consider your best relationships. It’s typically the case that the first ‘no’ in a relationship is extremely empowering. If the parties work through that, it means all the other ‘yeses’ were real and not just ‘being nice’ or avoiding.” With this perspective, he adds, “it’s easier to reframe a conflict as a chance to learn useful information about another person that can drive deeper connection and, in business, sometimes identify creative outcomes precisely because of the differences in approach, interest, and world view. Shifting from defensiveness to genuine curiosity turns conflict into a moment of insight and growth, rather than a fight to be won or lost.”
Thinking and Conversation Practices for Building Conflict Resilience and Growth
“Three essential skills help build conflict resilience,” Salinas notes, which are vital for Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “First, self-awareness—knowing what types of conflict situations are more challenging for you can help you plan for those situations where your brain’s default reactions are more likely to hijack you away from a more strategic response. Second, deep listening—not just hearing words but understanding the motivations and feelings behind them. Third, effective assertion—expressing your viewpoint clearly and confidently while inviting dialogue instead of shutting it down. Mastering these skills makes conflict feel less like a threat and more like an opportunity.”
The Role of Self-Awareness and Active Listening in Managing Conflict for Growth
“Self-awareness allows us to recognize when our emotions are taking over,” Bordone explains, a crucial step in Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “And, even more importantly, it allows us to identify patterns of automatic or defensive reactions more quickly so we can intervene and try something new.” He further states that active listening “is the stealth weapon of great negotiators and conflict resolvers: it builds trust, makes the other person feel heard (always a key interest of another in conversation or conflict), and helps you diagnose the heart of a conflict. For example, is the disagreement about a business strategy or more about the emotions and identity issues that might underlie the outcome itself. Active listening helps ensure you are having the right conversation in the first place.”
Understanding Neuroscience to Enhance Conflict Resilience and Growth
“Our brains are programmed and wired to see conflict as a survival threat, which triggers our stress response,” Salinas points out. Understanding this neuroscience is key to Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “This might have been useful when escaping predators, but it’s not helpful in a workplace disagreement. Being more aware of how and when your brain can sabotage you allows you to be more capable of overriding those instincts.” He suggests that simple techniques like taking deep breaths with a long, slow exhale “can counter your brain’s ‘alarm’ systems to make it easier to use parts of your brain that are important for strategic, deliberative thinking, helping us shift from automatic fight or flight reactions to thoughtful responses.” Training our brains to remain calm during conflict enhances our ability to handle it constructively.
The Role of Emotions in Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth
Conflict often triggers emotions, but Bordone argues this isn’t inherently negative for Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “Emotions aren’t roadblocks; they’re signposts,” he says. “They tell us what truly matters. The challenge isn’t to avoid having emotions in conflict (that is inevitable!). The challenge is making sure the feelings don’t have us! Instead of suppressing feelings, we should acknowledge them and use them as a guide to address deeper issues. A leader who recognizes frustration in a team, for example, can surface concerns early and prevent bigger problems down the road.”
Fostering Workplace Cultures for Diverse Views and Growth
In an era of polarized opinions, Salinas suggests leaders can model curiosity and humility, admitting they don’t possess all the answers, to facilitate Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “They can create ‘low risk’ spaces where employees feel they can share perspectives without fear of retaliation,” he advises. “Training teams in conflict resilience helps attenuate the intensity of polarized or extreme views to allow for more productive dialogue. When people can trust that they will feel heard, they become more open to engaging with perspectives different from their own.”
Reframing Conflict as Opportunity at Work and Home
Bordone emphasizes that conflict reveals deeper values and priorities, which is fundamental to Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “A disagreement over chores might not just be about dishes—it might also be about fairness or feeling respected. Seeing conflict as a window into what truly matters turns it into an opportunity for understanding and stronger relationships. A simple mindset shift—‘What is this really about?’—can change the entire dynamic of a conversation.”
Boosting Your Own Conflict Resilience for Personal Growth
Salinas recommends starting small to enhance conflict resilience and Turning Challenges Into Opportunities For Growth. “When conflict arises, take a second for a deep breath and notice your body’s response. Instead of reacting impulsively, pause and ask genuine, open-ended questions like, ‘What past experiences have led you to believe that?’ These habits retrain your brain, making conflict feel less threatening and more like an opportunity to connect and learn. Over time, this shift in approach transforms the way we handle even the most difficult disagreements.”
Credit: Forbes.com
